My co-worker told me today that a little birdie, aka, his best friend, went up to him today and said, "Did you know Jenny likes girls?? [So-and-so] told me." When I first started my job, I easily confided in this co-worker, who has since remained very mum since he just understands that it's not his thing to tell. So, like a respectful friend, he feigned ignorance and acted just as surprised as the birdie was about my sexual preference. Now, this other person whom I did also divulge this detail has me a bit concerned. I'm certainly not afraid of my office mates knowing that I'm gay, but I also would like to build merit as a person based upon my work performance before being made the token lesbian. And while being a gay man in a fashion industry goes hand-in-hand, being a gay woman isn't quite exactly the same thing. Don't ask me why, but gay women are not given enough credit as being capable fashionistas. Sure, a lot of women in my community aren't exactly fashion forward, are notorious for fashion faux pas (mullets, Birkens, etc.), and can tend to dress a little dumpy--but there are plenty of other gay women who defy stereotypes that are unfairly thrusted upon them. Furthermore, I shouldn't be judged or treated harshly by my community for dressing "girly" as if it were an upfront to them.
Anyhow, the point, as I see that I am losing it already, is that it just makes me wary when my sexuality is to be gossiped about.
I looked up the cost of living in Shanghai today and found a great blog that made it seem very affordable.
I just started squirreling some money away--finally--but we'll see how things with work and life goals change over the next year. I'm scared, always, to be separated from the people I love, because life shouldn't be about spending your time away from the people you care most about. Conversely, it should also be about exploration, finding your independence away from a doting mother, and the unexpected.
I know most of my friends are getting ready to settle down and get married. It's really just a matter of time before I have to put on more weak smiles. Sometimes, I think I need to run away before it all happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment